This blog post is based on a Lay Speaker talk given at The Buddhist Temple of Chicago in March 2015.
Recently, I was working on a comedy project that featured a Buddhist character. When I write comedy, I’m always very interested in exploring flaws in my characters as a way to make them interesting and realistic. So this project got me to thinking: what are the flaws associated with Buddhists? Because there are a lot of stereotypes floating out there about other religions but not so many about us. We have, I think, a pretty good rep in the world.
Thinking about this question, it reminded me of that topic that always comes up in a job interview where the interviewer invites the candidate to describe their weaknesses. Usually people say stuff like “Well, sometimes I care too much” or “Maybe I work too hard.” Those are the kinds of nonanswers that I was thinking for Buddhists: Maybe we're too serene? Too nice? After a while of pondering this question I realized that there is a perception out there that we think we are very enlightened and have it all figured out. Obviously, that’s untrue. If we were all enlightened we probably wouldn’t need to be Buddhists.
I think a good personal example of this flaw in action is that sometimes my partner-who is not a Buddhist-will be bothered by something, maybe he has spent a long time on the phone fighting with Comcast about our cable bill. He’ll be there visibly aggravated and I will breeze into the room calmly and say something like, “You know, you really shouldn’t let it bother you so much. It’s really not that important in the grand scheme of things. Just breathe.” This usually earns me at least a dirty look. While I was technically right, the last thing you want when you are all worked up about something is some smug bastard coming along and telling you what you should be feeling. Or when I feel like we are heading into an argument I’ll say things like, “You know, I really don’t like pointless conflict.” Again, while correct, not a super welcome statement in that context. It’s a fine line that we walk between Right Living and being really annoying and insufferable
Prior to settling at the Buddhist Temple of Chicago in my explorations of Buddhism, I’ve met what to me were a shocking number of Buddhists who were arrogant know-it-alls. To an extent this is understandable when you have a population with so many converts. I’m a convert myself and I know that impulse to want to impress with a lot of facts and scriptural familiarity. As someone who is not practicing his legacy religion, often times I feel like I have to defend myself from people’s skepticism. It’s understandable that people would sometimes feel the need to overcompensate.
That need to be the smartest person in the room has to be recognized for what it is. And I know that that impulse comes from a deep insecurity because, while I have tried to maintain a healthy ignorance about Buddhism, I have years of experience being a know-it-all about many many other subjects. Sometimes, I will listen to myself and I will be like, “Why are you talking?”
I know from personal experience that being a know-it-all is a very selfish proposition although it’s easy to convince yourself that that is not the case when you are in the middle of it. It may seem like you are focused on something external but really it’s all about the Self because it feels gratifying to acquire and master information. Especially now, it is customary to greedily consume knowledge. And we often use that knowledge to bolster our Selves. The Self will arm itself information in order to fight and argue to prove that it is right. Because being right is a justification for the Self's very existence. But being right all the time is a very expensive proposition in what it costs to our interpersonal relationships.
As I said, when I write comedy, I love to explore character flaws and I think this exploration is in line with what Buddhist practice requires. We are just as flawed as anyone else but our practice requires honest, self-reflection and mindfulness. I'm working on that first big step to enlightenment when you realize when you are being a smug know-it-all and you are able to take a step back and say, "Dude, what's wrong with you?"
No comments:
Post a Comment